And still I see no changes...

As Tupac so eloquently referenced, where the hell are all the changes??


Ever feel like the world is rotating around you while you are actually standing perfectly still? Not in the "everything revolves around me" sense, but more like, "okay, I know something is supposed to be happening...". For those of you who know what I'm talking about, welcome to my life. It's taken me a while to blog (sorry Dave) because I have had absolutely zero inspiration, which is weird considering my sister/roommate left the country, I finished grad school, I'm not moving to Boston, I have restarted a job search, my fellow Bureau-mates have recently retired, I'm newly single, and... well... you get the point... One of the more important times of my life.

So why is it that I don't feel like I have a million different topics to cover in this post? Well, I think I'm in denial. And yes, I recognize the irony in me telling you I'm in denial because that, by definition, means I am no longer so. Anyway, I think I'm in denial because these last 12 months, although incredibly stressful at times and boring more often than not, have been an amazing 12 months. I have made some friends who are gonna stick around for awhile, I have earned a graduate degree when I thought that I was completely incapable of anything more academically, and (most importantly) I successfully held off entering the real world for yet another year. I don't want this year to be over yet, but unfortunately I don't have that choice. These things have all come to a screeching halt and I find myself being kicked out of the world that I have made my own for the last year. On top of that, the job hunt has not yet resulted in a job (probably due to my own lack of motivation), living alone has just resulted in me having to deal with condo problems on my own, and the whole "newly single" thing is, well, weird is the only way to describe it. In short, I'm leaving behind an amazing year for a whole lot of uncertainty and change that has not yet created any real promising future.

BUT... you would think that I would have at least written about my discontent with this change in a previous blog. The weird part is, I'm not discontent. It's uncertain and crazy and, come Monday, I will be unemployed, but my life is still pretty good. Without everything that I thought made this year awesome, I'm still happy. So.... (drum roll please) I have come to the conclusion that this past year isn't ending, it's just changing. My friends are all still going to be here, I'm finally content with the ONE decision about my future I have actually made (which city to live in), I will still have that diploma, and everything else (which is simply a result of the path that I have chosen) will be alright because I am where I need to be. Ta da! I win. I'm still waiting for those definitive "changes" though. I'll keep you all "posted".... hahaha.

Home Sweet Home

I recently decided to throw away every future plan that I had made and stay in Chicago. Most of you are still trying to figure out why (as am I), but I think I might have deciphered at least part of it. In order to explain, I need to make an observation about Chicago itself...

Chicago is a fickle, passionate city. Whatever it does, it does with all its heart. We love Rex Grossman half the season and want to stone him to death the other half. I have NEVER seen someone fall from grace as quickly as that man. Except maybe the big JC. And our relationship with the Cubs is like one of those disfunctional relationships that your neighbors always seem to have... the kind where you have to listen to them screaming at each other all night and then having sex all morning. The Cubs are the greatest team in the world until it matters, then we slowly get angrier and angrier until we are finally threatening to call the cops and get them arrested (as my neighbors constantly did last year). And its not just true about sports. Politicians, weather, transportation... all examples of things whose reputations rise and fall with the passions of the mob. Rome! Yes. We are just like ancient Rome. But make no mistake, whatever our emotion is at any given moment is what we feel with every fiber of our true Chicago hearts.

That said, I think that part of the reason I have to stay in Chicago is because a couple months ago I hated everything about it. Job stuff, work stuff.. whatever it was - It sucked. But really, it was this hatred (and now love) for the city that makes me a true Chicagoan. I can't leave just because the going gets rough! Then I would miss the high that comes with every new season, or when the weather gets nice, or when beer gardens are in full swing... this city is too much a part of me to leave it right now. I'll just have to keep that in mind next February.

Working on Friday? WTF...

So it's no surprise that I hate working. There are a million and a half other things that I could be doing with my time instead of sitting here pretending to laugh at Dave's jokes. Consequently, I have managed to set up my schedule so that every weekend is three days long (I know... I rock). I have blissfully spent every Thursday night for the last year as the college student that I still wish I was... until now.

Alas, I am sitting here at work. I know, I'm not actually working, but it's the principle of the matter! As if I don't see enough of these people already :) So instead of conforming to the "usual" work pastimes of staring at the wall and stalking people on Facebook, I will give you the rating of my day thus far...

Wake up at 2:00 wide awake with nothing fun to do : -5
4:36... cue earthquake: 7 (That's sweet!)
Have no problem waking up on a FRIDAY: 5
Have to wake up on a Friday: -15
Get to wear normal clothes: 2 (Is nice, but I could still be in my pajamas)
Get to sit next to a clean person on the el: 8
Office is strangely awake/chatty when I get in: 5
Renee is going to drink with us today: 20!
Dave dances with the white man's overbite: 6
On my third cup of coffee by 9:04: 6
TOTAL: 39

Alright, this day rocks... But Dave and Mike are still douches.